How Might Stress & Trauma Present in Kids?

If I asked you, “how do you respond when you’re stressed?” your answer would likely be different from mine, and different still from the person next to me. And that’s because, while our bodies have limited ways to respond to stress, our perception of what’s happening in our bodies is unique. What we do with stress can also be markedly different for each person — some people might choose to go for a run, while others might feel the urge to lay in bed, paralyzed. So when we’re working with young people, it can sometimes be hard to tell when they’re feeling stressed or are having a trauma response, because there are just so many feasible presentations of that stress and trauma.

Some of the more typical signs of stress or trauma in kids can include: 

• trouble sleeping 
• sleeping too much 
• increased sensitivity to sound
• sensory overstimulation 
• inability to stay seated or increased movement
• trouble paying attention

But sometimes stress presents in other, trickier-to-identify ways. Let’s dive into some of the behaviors we see in kids who’ve experienced stress and trauma; these are the types of behaviors that can indicate the presence of a stress response, but may not immediately set off those alarm bells. 

Stress can look surprisingly functional, like a child doing their work and engaging in conversation. Sometimes kids take on new activities to distract themselves from internal sensations. So, a stress or trauma response can also look like an increasing workload.

Trauma can look like indiscriminate affection: a child who knows that giving affection is a way to ensure safety in relationships may be freer with affection in a variety of relationships. We also commonly see that risk-taking behaviors, even ones that seem calculated, are associated with trauma. 

For younger children, trauma or stress can present as physical complaints of headaches, stomachaches, chest pain, or tiredness. These children may feel the physical presentations without knowing or understanding their cause.

Often, stress and trauma can present as behaviors or personality traits that could be perfectly typical and inconsequential; noticing sudden changes in kids’ behavior can help us in understanding the impacts trauma or stress could be having. You may notice:

• fawning, or people pleasing
• forgetfulness or brain fog
• clenching (teeth, fists, muscle tension overall) 
• bullying and aggression
• making a joke out of everything; a dark or cynical sense of humor

It’s important to remember that as teachers and caregivers, our goal isn’t necessarily to play Trauma Detective; we do not always need to know the cause of every behavior. But, when we pay attention to these behaviors, noting changes specifically, we can respond supportively and empathetically in the event that stress or trauma are a driving force.

And, in a world that feels increasingly unpredictable, heavy, and overwhelming, and where adults are carrying higher levels of stress than ever before, it makes sense that children’s nervous systems are working overtime. Many young people are absorbing that uncertainty, fear, instability, and disruption without the language to make sense of it all. 

As caregivers, it’s vital that we view behaviors as messages, and shift our responses from frustration or correction to curiosity and care. Not every behavior needs to be fixed or explained, but many need to be met with steadiness, predictability, and connection, especially as the world around us remains scary and uncertain.