Navigating Big Feelings: Feelings & Coping Strategies Chart
Nov 02, 2026
A huge part of social-emotional learning (SEL) is helping kids to understand their emotions. But an important second step is helping children understand what to do when they feel those emotions. When we help children understand what their feelings actually feel like, we can provide them with the tools necessary to identify and work through big feelings – without the meltdown.
I think we’ve all been there: you have a child escalating. Our quickest, simplest go-to is, “Let’s calm down!” And while the sentiment is fair (and even correct), it doesn’t help a young child to know what to do in the moment. They likely know that they need to calm down; that isn’t the issue. What they need is help determining how to do that.
But first: feelings tell us valuable information. So, it’s important that we teach kids not to immediately push big feelings away. There is space for every feeling, but there isn’t always space for the immediate reactions children have to those big feelings. We’re working on recognizing big emotions, building a toolbox of strategies we can use to cope when those feelings get big and out of control.
Get Started: Give Kids Something Concrete to Try
We can’t try new strategies when kids are already escalated; they won’t work. But when children are calm, we can introduce new strategies and practice them together. Eventually, that practice will sink in, and kids will be able to actually effectively use the strategies when they are upset.
Don’t know where to start? Try this Feelings Chart - download it for free, and keep the visual available to refer to in calm times, and in escalated situations. Frequent repetition will help kids feel ready to use the strategies in real time, when the opportunity arises.
Every strategy won’t work for every child – that’s why there are options. Different strategies will work for different nervous systems and different situations!
Practice!!
The best time to teach coping strategies to children is when they aren’t upset.
You might look at the chart together and ask:
- “Which face looks like how you feel right now?”
- “Which of these do you think you would like to try if you were frustrated?”
- “What helps your body feel calm?”
- “What could you try the next time you feel sad?”
- “Want to practice taking a few slow breaths together?”
This is an important reminder for the adults AND kids: using a coping strategy doesn't mean the feeling has to disappear. The goal isn’t to get immediately rid of the feeling, but rather to develop the skill of coping with a feeling safely and effectively.