The end of summer is here (boo!); that means it’s time to start preparing for back to school. Creating solid before and after school routines will create the foundation for a successful year. The research article, The Importance of Creating Habits and Routines, outlines the many benefits of solid routines during times  of transition: “Routine is consistently found to be important for children. A bedtime routine is associated with increased family functioning and improved sleep habits. Family routines have been linked to the development of social skills and academic success, and adherence to family routines has been identified as important for family resilience during times of crisis.” Our brains thrive with predictability, and routines provide structure.

If you think about it, we experience many unexpected events throughout each day. As the saying goes, even our best-laid plans can go awry. I’ll never forget the discharge fiasco that occurred after our third child was born. My middle son, who was a little over two at the time, was running a high fever. We were ready (and I was really ready) to enjoy the peace and comfort of home. Since we didn’t know exactly what virus Jack had, everyone agreed that it would be in the baby’s best interest if we stayed another day. This would hopefully mitigate the chance of exposing our newborn to a harmful virus. I felt helpless and frustrated.

I was unable to comfort my child who was not only sick, but also about to experience a major transition into big brotherhood. I would be lying if I said I was looking forward to another night of temperature checks, blood pressure readings, and newborn check-ins. All which seemingly occurred right after the baby fell asleep. I was anxious to experience life as a family of five— our new normal. I now realize my brain, more than anything, was craving predictability and some sort of control. As an adult, I possessed the tools necessary to successfully handle the situation. I knew the health and safety of everyone was most important and my emotions were something I could work through.

As our children's brains are still developing, so too is their ability to implement coping strategies to help them overcome challenging situations. At school, maybe this looks like a substitute teacher, their bus seat buddy is absent, or they sat out for part of the game they anticipated playing. The list goes on. The comfort of home and a predictable order of events feels safe for our children, and can prepare their brains for the unpredictable moments during their day. Think of routines as a big deep breath for our brains.

Morning Routines

Morning routines are key for setting our children up for success as they begin their day. This consistency will alleviate some chaos, leading your child to feel empowered and accomplished – well before even leaving the house. To boost the efficacy of routines, work with your child and allow them to make choices while developing the routine. Would they like to brush their teeth before getting dressed or after they eat breakfast? Some children like having additional time in their bed, perhaps reading, for five minutes after they wake up. You know your child best. Be sure to involve activities that are regulating for them. It is important to remember that once the routine is developed, your child should follow their routine in the order it is outlined – that’s how we create predictability. And, if possible, incorporate time for connection between you and your child. This could be as simple as eating breakfast together. A child who starts their day regulated will be more successful in navigating the many challenges or surprises that may arise at school.

Sample morning routine:

Wake up

Use the bathroom & brush teeth

Get dressed

Make bed

Coloring for 5 minutes

Breakfast

Book bag & bus stop

Evening Routines

An evening routine will provide your child with a space for their body and mind to decompress. Keep in mind, it may serve your child best if regulating activities are offered before demands. For example, your child might like to listen to music, have a snack or watch their favorite show before starting homework or running to practice. And, connecting with your child before bed is just as important and beneficial as it is in the morning. Consider telling your child a little bit about your day. Sharing your own successes and challenges is a great way to model coping skills (i.e. “I sat in traffic, which was frustrating and stressful, but I called my friend and that made me feel really happy. I missed them”). Engage in your child’s favorite activity or read together before bed.

Sample evening routine:

Put my book bag away

Snack

Play outside

Homework

Dinner

Shower & brush teeth

Reading in bed

Bedtime

Getting Started

You can tailor these suggestions to fit the specific needs of your family. If each component of the routine is appropriate for both you and your child, you will find that it is manageable. Once the routine becomes challenging, it no longer serves its purpose. I say this as a mother of three young children: routines have been my lifeline. As much as my family thrives with consistency and structure, we have changed our routines quite a few times, as our needs change. Routines can change while maintaining consistency and predictability.

When it comes to implementation, the options are endless. Your child’s routine can be visual with pictures or hands-on using a checklist. Here is a product I love to help facilitate your routines, though it is not necessary - just helpful for keeping my kids on track! Amazon Visual Checklist.

A Few Extra Tips

Be sure to include your child in the development of each new routine. This collaboration will give your child some control, encourage ownership and advocacy, and decrease potential power struggles. Once the routine is in place, your child should complete each activity in the correct order.

Be consistent. Routines are only successful when implemented with fidelity. Of course, unprecedented events are sure to impact your day sometimes. We just aim to maintain routines the mosts consistently we can.

This might be the most important: revise routines as needed. If you or your child are experiencing frustrations with a routine, approach the problem as a team. Brainstorm adjustments that will make everyone feel supported and successful. Talk through the challenge, and work together to resolve it! This not only solves the problem of an unhelpful routine, but also teaches problem solving skills in the process.

As always, the InMind team is here to help! If you find that you are struggling with creating or implementing a successful routine in your home, shoot us an email at [email protected]!

Reference

Arlinghaus, K. R., & Johnston, C. A. (2018). The importance of creating habits and routine. American Journal of Lifestyle Medicine, 13(2), 142–144. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6378489/