Navigating Change - Helping Children Feel Supported

For a developing brain, change can feel threatening, sometimes even when the issues at hand seem small to us as adults: a substitute teacher instead of the familiar classroom routine, the wrong lunch packed in their bag, a canceled practice. Children rely on predictability to feel safe, and when that predictability is disrupted, their nervous system notices and reacts.

Some changes, of course, carry much more weight: a move to a new home or school, parental separation, financial hardship, the death of a loved one, immigration-related fears (including the possibility of deportation or ICE activity in their community), exposure to political unrest, community violence, racial discrimination, or intense news cycles. Even when children don’t fully understand the details, they absorb the emotional undercurrent of tension, uncertainty, and fear.

From a brain-based perspective, this response makes sense. The brain’s primary job is to keep us safe. And to do that, it constantly scans for danger or unpredictability, even when there isn’t an immediate threat. When life feels consistent (when kids know what’s happening next, what time dinner is, or who’s picking them up from school) their brain can stay regulated, and their “thinking brain” (the cortex) remains online. But when something unexpected happens (their grandparent unexpectedly picks them up from school, their lunch isn’t packed in their backpack, or their parents’ mood is suddenly very different than normal) the survival system takes over. That’s often when we see emotional outbursts, withdrawal, defiance, shutdown, or resistance to routines. These behaviors are not conscious choices; they are stress responses.

We can’t prevent every disruption in a child’s life; part of learning how to manage change requires practice. But we can buffer the impact of the disruption by strengthening the conditions that help them feel safe. Whether the change is minor or life-altering, the same core principles apply: predictability, connection, and emotional safety support kids’ skill development.

How can adults support kids through disruptions or changes?

• Keep routines predictable. Even when everything else feels different, familiar rhythms, like bedtime, mealtimes, and morning check-ins anchor the nervous system. We may not be able to control every routine. But, when we know there is (or will be) some disruption, prioritizing predictability where we can, can balance out the unpredictability.
• Stay connected. Children and teens need to know someone understands and accepts them. A calm, steady presence, without pressure, communicates safety. When those dysregulated behaviors start to pop up, meeting them with connection can often help to get things back on track.
• Validate emotions. Rather than minimizing or rushing to fix the problem, acknowledge what’s real: “I can see this feels really big for you.” Feeling understood helps kids to build resilience. Validating a child’s emotions gives them space to authentically feel, and also to continue forward with developing the skills required to get through the challenging time.

Change is inevitable. But with steady connection, clear communication, and predictable structure, we can help children move through change – not with heightened fear, but with greater confidence and security.