Parenting Today
By Lindsey Bernhardt
Over the years, the role of a guardian has not only changed dramatically, but the stressors that have come with parenting have morphed into what can often feel like an impossible feat. According to the New York Times (2024), parents today report feeling more exhausted, burnt out, and behind on parenting as a whole. Childcare costs have risen twenty-six percent over the past decade (Times, 2024) causing an increase in financial worries. Not surprisingly, more than sixty percent of parents reported feeling stressed about money compared to roughly forty percent of non-parents (American Psychological Association (APA, 2022). Further contributing to parental woes, social media has catapulted parents to compare themselves to one another forcing a rise in both insecurities and loneliness (Times, 2024). Moreover, parents have taken on their children’s stress. Whether it be due to an increase in teen suicide rates, depression, or the use of technology, parents cannot seem to catch a break these days.
There is good news! Time magazine offers suggestions on how we as parents can cope with the ongoing stressors that come with being active guardians to our children as well as avoiding the transference of our own child’s stress. One thing to consider is time off or flexible work schedules through your employer. Post COVID-19, companies have and continue to emphasize the importance of mental health leave and family leave for their employees. Taking advantage of that will allow parents the time they need to be there for the family without concern of losing their jobs. Early childhood education is another avenue parents are considering to assist with the stressors of early parenting. Taking advantage of family and friends who can provide support is another step stressed-out parents can take. It is important not to underestimate that it takes a team or a community to help raise our kids and the more loved ones we have to help, the more supported we will likely feel. Managing your child’s screen time, knowing who their friends are, and staying on top of social media can also help prepare you and boost your awareness of your children’s lives.
Parenting and The Holidays
By Rachael Sine
Have you ever noticed that after receiving a gift, your child might cry or scream because it’s not the one they wanted, or the color isn’t right? Why aren’t they simply grateful for the gift? Don’t they realize some children don’t even have enough food, let alone presents, during the holidays? Or maybe you feel frustrated when your kids mope around the house during holiday breaks, complaining about boredom even though they fight going to school every day. While these moments can be frustrating, it’s important to understand that children aren’t intentionally being rude, spoiled, or difficult. These behaviors often stem from brain responses to stress or stimuli that are beyond their control. By understanding how stress impacts a child’s brain and behavior, we can approach these challenges with greater patience and empathy. The good news? There are effective strategies we can use to help prepare and guide our children through these moments in a supportive and mindful way.
When a child experiences stress, it activates the brain’s emotional alarm system. Stress can stem from a variety of sources and can be either positive or negative. Excitement, disappointment, or frustration can all signal to the brain that there is a threat and this feeling is overwhelming for children. The cortex, the front region of the brain responsible for understanding logic, processing information, and calming oneself, is still developing in children and adolescents. They are not able to easily access that part of the brain at all times. So, when a child does not receive the exact gift they were hoping for, the disappointment in that moment can feel like a significant loss, and their brain reacts as though it’s a real threat. This stress response overrides logical thinking, making it nearly impossible for the child to reflect on the situation with gratitude or perspective. Instead, they express their distress through crying, yelling, or other difficult behaviors.
Similarly, when a child is having a hard time at home during school breaks, despite resisting going to school during regular days, this is likely due to the change in their routine. Routines provide a sense of structure and predictability, which helps a child’s brain feel safe and regulated. Brains thrive on consistency. When routines are disrupted, like during holiday breaks, the brain’s emotional alarm system can become more active, signaling stress or discomfort even in non-threatening situations. This isn’t about children being ungrateful for time off from school—it’s about their brains struggling to adapt to the lack of structure. The brain seeks predictability to manage emotions and energy levels effectively, and without it, children may find it harder to self-regulate.
What can you do as a parent or caregiver to help mitigate holiday meltdowns or frustrations? The best way to approach the holidays is to prepare your children the best you can for what to expect, or not expect. Remember, the brain will be less stressed if it knows what to expect, leading to less challenging behaviors. Do you have a holiday party to attend? Talk about it with your child in advance. What will they wear? What time will you leave? Will there be food? What’s the plan if they don’t like the food? Or, maybe you will be opening presents with family. Role-play the situation and practice what to say after opening a gift. For example, “Pretend you are opening a present and it’s the blue remote car instead of the red remote car you wanted. That might be disappointing. What do you think we should do in that situation?” The more you prep, the better.
Finally, try to keep some semblance of your child’s normal routine over the holidays. Maybe that looks like the same bedtime routine every night, or reading the same books you would normally read. You can also create a visual schedule so they know what’s coming up in the day. Holiday breaks are a good time to unwind and relax, but remember, when children are off of their routine, they may not be able to relax because of the stress this causes their brains.
